Parenting facilitator or parenting coordinator: which one fits your family

The one difference that matters most

In Texas, a parenting coordinator and a parenting facilitator are both impartial professionals a court can appoint to help co-parents resolve day-to-day disputes about their children. The key difference is confidentiality. Under the Texas Family Code, a coordinator works through confidential procedures, while a facilitator works through procedures that are not confidential, and a facilitator's duties can also include monitoring whether the parents are complying with the court's orders. Neither one can change the order itself.

I am John Polk. I have practiced family law in Dallas for more than 25 years, and I have worked as a parenting facilitator and coordinator for Dallas-Fort Worth families since 2012. People often use the two titles interchangeably, and in conversation that is fine. But the law treats them differently, and the choice affects what the professional can tell the judge later. This guide explains both in plain terms. It is general information; your attorney can tell you which fits your case and how your court handles appointments.

Who these roles are built for

Most divorced and separated parents work out the small things on their own. Some cannot. The Texas Family Code describes a high-conflict case as one where the court finds an unusual degree of repeated litigation, anger and distrust, and difficulty communicating about and cooperating in the care of the children. Those are the families these roles were designed for.

A final order sets the big framework: conservatorship, a possession schedule, child support. It rarely settles bedtimes, extracurricular activities, which doctor the child sees, how phone calls between homes work, or what happens when a soccer tournament falls on the other parent's weekend. In my experience, those small, unresolved questions are what keep high-conflict parents in a constant state of argument, and what eventually push one of them to file something new.

A coordinator or facilitator gives parents somewhere to take those disputes other than the courthouse. The goal is not to decide who is the better parent. It is to get specific, workable answers to recurring problems so the children stop living in the middle of them.

How a parenting coordinator works

A parenting coordinator is the more private of the two roles. Texas law limits a coordinator's duties to helping parents work through disputes and carry out their parenting plan, and it requires a coordinator to follow the Supreme Court of Texas Ethical Guidelines for Mediators. Because the process is confidential, parents can speak candidly without worrying that what they say in a session will be repeated in court.

The Family Code also keeps the roles separate: a person serving as a coordinator may not also serve in a nonconfidential role in the same case, such as amicus attorney, guardian ad litem, custody evaluator or parenting facilitator. Under the statute, a coordinator's work can include the following.

• Identifying the disputed issues and reducing misunderstandings
• Clarifying each parent's priorities and exploring problem-solving options
• Developing methods of collaboration in parenting
• Helping the parents understand their parenting plan and comply with the court's orders
• Helping them reach agreements that can be added to the parenting plan
• Proposing a joint resolution or statement of intent on a dispute

How a parenting facilitator works

A parenting facilitator does the same kind of problem solving, and the Family Code adds one more function: monitoring compliance with the court's orders. Because the process is not confidential, what happens in facilitation can be reported to the court. As I describe on my own site, if co-parents cannot reach agreement, a parenting facilitator can testify in court and help the judge decide what serves the child's best interest.

That accountability is the point. For some families, the knowledge that an impartial professional can tell the judge who kept the schedule and who did not is what changes behavior. For others, the lack of confidentiality makes one parent guarded, and a coordinator's private setting works better. Neither is better in the abstract; it depends on what has been going wrong.

A typical example: the order gives one parent the right to make educational decisions after consultation, but the other parent says they are never consulted. A facilitator can set a simple process for that consultation, such as a written notice and a deadline to respond, and then watch whether it is followed. If it is not, the court will eventually hear about it from someone with no stake in the outcome.

Side by side

Here is the comparison in the simplest form I can give. Your court's appointing order will spell out the specific duties in your case, so treat this as a general guide rather than a rule for every family.

• Appointment: both are appointed by the court, on its own motion or on a motion or agreement of the parties
• Confidentiality: a coordinator's process is confidential; a facilitator's is not
• Compliance: a facilitator can monitor compliance with court orders; a coordinator's role centers on resolving disputes
• Court involvement: a facilitator can report to and testify before the court; what parents say to a coordinator stays confidential
• Power to change orders: neither can modify any order, judgment or decree
• Best suited to: coordinator for parents who need a safe place to negotiate; facilitator for parents where follow-through is the problem

Signs your family could use one

Parents rarely call asking for a coordinator or facilitator by name. They call because the same arguments keep happening and everyone is worn out. These are the patterns I hear most often.

None of these mean a family has failed. They mean the order left gaps and the parents need a structured way to fill them. The earlier a coordinator or facilitator is involved, the fewer of these patterns harden into habits the children grow up with. Waiting until one parent files a motion usually means the conflict has already cost more than it needed to, in money and in the children's sense of stability.

• Every exchange of the children turns into an argument
• You cannot agree on activities, schools, tutoring or medical care, and the order is silent
• Messages between homes are long, hostile or ignored
• One parent keeps threatening to go back to court over small things
• The children are carrying messages or being asked to choose
• Lawyers' fees for small disputes are adding up faster than the disputes are resolving

How an appointment comes about

Under the Texas Family Code, a court may appoint either professional on its own motion, on one parent's motion or by agreement of both. Before appointing one, the court must hold a hearing after notice and find that the case is high-conflict or that there is good cause, and that the appointment is in the best interest of the child. The appointee must meet the minimum qualifications the statute sets.

There is an important safeguard. A parent may file a written objection at any time based on family violence committed by the other parent against them or the child. Once that objection is filed, the court cannot appoint a coordinator or facilitator unless a party requests a hearing and the court finds the objection is not supported by a preponderance of the evidence. If an appointment goes ahead, the court must order measures to protect the objecting parent, which can include no face-to-face contact and separate rooms. I discuss these protections further in mediating with a high-conflict ex.

Many appointments start with the parents themselves. If both agree they need help, their lawyers can propose a specific person and present an agreed order, which is usually faster than a contested hearing.

Where both roles stop

The Family Code is clear that neither a coordinator nor a facilitator may modify any order, judgment or decree, and that the appointment does not take away the court's exclusive authority over conservatorship, support and possession of the child. A facilitator can help parents agree on how to handle summer camp within the existing schedule. A facilitator cannot give one parent an extra week of summer that the order does not provide.

When the order itself no longer fits the family, because a child has grown, a parent has moved or the schedule simply does not work, the answer is a modification, and the parents can often reach one through mediation rather than a contested hearing. I explain that path in mediating a custody or support modification.

How I work with co-parents in practice

My work as a facilitator and coordinator is aimed at well-intentioned parents who disagree about what is best for their children or struggle to communicate. Many of these everyday disputes can be resolved in one or two Zoom meetings, which keeps the cost at a fraction of what a new court fight would run. We begin by setting ground rules, identifying the issues that keep coming back and agreeing on how the parents will communicate between meetings.

If the order in your case is still being negotiated, consider building in a role like this from the start; my guide on how mediation ends a stalled divorce or custody case explains how those terms get settled. If your orders are already in place in Dallas or anywhere in the area and the arguments have not stopped, talk with your attorney about whether a coordinator or a facilitator fits your family, and what the appointing order should say.

Questions people ask me