Your ex is ignoring the court order: enforce it, change it, or both?

Two different problems with two different fixes

If your ex is not following a Texas custody or child support order, you generally have two legal tools. Enforcement asks the court to make the other parent comply with the order as written, and it can include a request to hold them in contempt. Modification asks the court to change the order because circumstances have materially changed. Which one you need depends on whether the order still fits your family and is simply being ignored, or whether the order itself no longer works.

I am a family law attorney at Webb Family Law in downtown Dallas, Board Certified in Family Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization, and post-decree enforcement and modification are a core part of my practice; I have also written for other lawyers on the complications of trying modification cases. This guide explains how I think about these situations. It is general information, not legal advice, and the right step for you depends on the exact wording of your order, so talk to a licensed Texas family law attorney before you act.

Signs you are looking at an enforcement case

Enforcement fits when the order is clear and reasonable but the other parent is not doing what it says. The most common situations I see are missed or partial child support payments, a parent who keeps the children past the end of a possession period or refuses to hand them over, and a party who has not completed a property transfer the decree required, such as signing over a vehicle title or dividing a retirement account.

Child support is a court judgment. Webb Family Law's guidance on child support notes that failing to pay it on time may be treated as contempt of court, and that falling behind on support does not cost a parent their right to see the children. The reverse also holds: a parent who is owed support generally cannot withhold the children to force payment. Both obligations stand on their own.

• Support payments that are late, short or stopped
• Repeated refusals to exchange the children at the ordered time
• Holding the children past the end of a possession period
• Ignoring a decision-making provision, such as enrolling a child in a new school without the required agreement
• Failing to transfer property, pay a debt or sign documents the decree required

Signs the order itself needs to change

Sometimes the problem is not disobedience but a schedule or support amount that was built for a life that no longer exists. A parent has moved, a job now requires travel, a child's school or medical needs have changed, or one parent's income has risen or fallen significantly. Webb Family Law's page on post-divorce modifications gives examples of qualifying changes: a significant income change, relocation, a new work schedule, health concerns, a child's changing educational or medical needs, or facts affecting a child's safety and stability.

Texas courts generally require a material and substantial change in circumstances before they will modify custody or support. For child support specifically, TexasLawHelp.org explains a second route: if the order is at least three years old and the guideline amount would differ from the current amount by at least 20 percent or 100 dollars, the court can change it. Property division in a final decree is a different matter; it is generally not reopened, although the court may clarify or enforce its terms.

If you are the parent who can no longer meet the order, for example after a job loss or a serious illness, the same logic applies from the other side. Do not simply pay less or stop paying and hope the other parent understands. The existing amount remains owed under the order until a judge signs a new one, so the practical step is to seek a modification promptly and keep paying what you can in the meantime, with records of every payment. Courts tend to look more favorably on a parent who asked for relief early than on one who let arrears build quietly.

Why side deals with your ex are risky

Many parents handle changes informally: the weekends shift, support drops for a few months while someone is out of work, a parent moves and the schedule adjusts. These arrangements can work for years, right up until they do not. The signed order is still the order. If the relationship sours, the other parent can ask the court to enforce the original terms, and an informal agreement usually offers you little protection.

The same is true in the other direction. If you have agreed to a change and it is working, the safest course is to put it in a modified order signed by the judge. Filing for a modification does not suspend the existing order, and TexasLawHelp.org is direct about it: you must follow the court's order until a judge signs a new one.

What to document starting today

Whichever path you take, the case will turn on records. Judges decide enforcement and modification on evidence, not on who sounds more frustrated. Start a simple log now, and keep it factual and dated. Keep communication with the other parent in writing where you can, and keep it civil, because your messages may be read by a judge.

A log kept as events happen is far more persuasive than one reconstructed from memory months later. Write entries the same day, stick to what happened rather than what you think it means, and do not exaggerate. A judge who catches one overstatement may discount the rest.

• A copy of the current order, read closely for exact times, dates and payment terms
• A payment history showing what was due and what was received, with dates
• A calendar of every missed or late exchange, with what was said at the time
• Texts and emails about schedules, money and decisions, saved in order
• School, medical and activity records if the children's needs have changed
• Pay records or tax returns if income has changed on either side

When it is time to talk to a lawyer

Some situations call for help right away. If the other parent has taken the children and will not return them, if you have safety concerns, if a parent has moved or is about to move out of state with the children, or if support has stopped entirely, do not wait for things to settle. Cases that cross state lines raise jurisdiction questions under statutes such as the UCCJEA and UIFSA, and the order in which things are filed can matter a great deal.

It is also worth a consultation when you are not sure which tool fits, or when you suspect you need both. A parent who has not paid support for months may also have moved and stopped exercising possession, which could mean an enforcement claim for the arrears and a modification of the schedule at the same time. Sorting that out at the start avoids filing the wrong thing first.

How enforcement and modification cases move through court

An enforcement case usually starts with a motion that identifies the specific provisions of the order and each violation, with dates. That is why your log matters: vague complaints are hard to enforce, while a list of specific missed payments and exchanges is not. The motion can ask the court to hold the other party in contempt and to order other relief, such as payment of what is owed, and the requested remedies depend on the facts and the order.

A modification case usually starts with a petition explaining what has changed and what new terms are proposed. When children are involved, the court focuses on their best interest. Many modifications are resolved by agreement or in mediation; others require a hearing. In my experience the strongest modification cases combine solid evidence of the change with a practical proposal that a judge can see working in real life. If you want to understand how custody terms are structured before proposing new ones, my guide on how conservatorship works in Texas explains the vocabulary.

Not every dispute has to be litigated. Mediation can resolve many post-divorce disagreements, and I compare the options in my guide on collaborative divorce, mediation or court.

Mistakes that weaken a strong case

The most damaging mistake is self-help. Withholding the children because support is late, moving with the children without following the order, or cutting off support because you are not seeing them can turn you from the wronged parent into a party facing your own enforcement motion. Follow the order even when the other parent does not, and let the court address their violations.

Other common mistakes are waiting too long, relying on memory instead of records, and sending angry messages that read badly later. Cost matters as well. A tightly focused motion with good documentation is usually less expensive than a sprawling case built on every grievance since the divorce. I explain the broader cost drivers in my guide on what makes a family law case cost more.

What a first consultation covers

Bring the current order and any prior orders, your log, the payment history and a short summary of what has changed. At Webb Family Law we schedule confidential consultations by appointment at our office in Republic Center, and we represent parents across Dallas County and Texas. I will read the order closely, identify whether enforcement, modification or both fit, explain the evidence the court will want, and give you my honest view of the realistic options and the risks.

If we go forward, we prepare the filing around specific provisions and dated violations or around a clear, documented change in circumstances, and we look for a resolution outside court when it serves you and the children.

Questions people ask me